Just breathe...

First of all, the story of the father who sent a tape recorder to school and caught the teachers not being "kind" (to say the least) has engulfed our family as well.  It about broke my heart when Dude mentioned it on the way home the other day.  He was so concerned that Choo's current teachers aren't treating him right, that Dude was almost crying.  A fact that he will deny to his dying day, in the name of cool.  Yet again, our decision to move our family has been reinforced.  

There is so much that needs to be done before we go.  Bear has been a sweetheart and is suggesting that we sell almost all of our furniture and buy all new stuff when we get there.  Of course, that is just one more thing to do.  If I look at it in total, I think I may lose my mind.  I am trying to break everything down into small tasks that I can complete and give myself a sense of accomplishment.

Part of me can't wait for school to be out, part of me wants them to go to school year round!  I don't think we are going on a summer vacation this year with everything going on.  Which is totally fine with me!!!

Choo and I visited my mother twice this week.  (Lucky woman)  Both times, Choo was such a pleasure to be around.  Guess next week it is back to the cleaning and the errands and the other usual stuff.

Oh yeah, it's the right decision.

Just opened Choo's backpack from Friday.  He is currently on Spring Break.  Yes- he is home for the whole week.  It seems like this kid is NEVER in school.  I already knew this, but it ticked me off all over again to see that Choo did not qualify for ESY (extended school year).  Why did he not qualify?  Well, they make their decisions based on the child's reaction to long breaks, mainly Christmas.  Since Choo did not start school until January, he missed the qualification period and therefore isn't eligible.  This sounds to me like a load of bull.  Can't they see that he went to ESY last year, ask me if I think he needs ESY this year and sign him up for it?  Since he didn't start til this semester, there was no discussion.  Case closed.

They are incredibly inflexible, but think it is okay to give me the shortest notice to keep him home.  Oh yeah, my blood pressure just went up.

What's going on?

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I have been massively unhappy with Choo's school and the backward slide we have been on since we got home.  And I've been avoiding my blog because I have a big mouth.  They wouldn't have to torture me to get State secrets.  Hell, just have a grown up conversation with me and I'm liable to spill my guts to you.

We have been looking for a couple of months to move.  Dude wasn't really happy with the idea at first, but when we took him and Choo looking for houses over Easter weekend, he started to warm up to the idea.  We put an offer out there only to find that the sellers weren't willing to deal.  Then we put an offer on our second house.  We thought they were playing with us by saying they had another offer.  They weren't, so we lost that house.  Unfortunately, that put us back to square 1.  Great.  Bear decided that I should go back by myself and look.  Well, that is what I did this weekend.  I was supposed to come home on Sunday, but there were a few homes I wanted to get in to see.  I'm so glad I stayed!  I was looking at new construction and they just happened to have a house that was being bricked, but you could still pick everything you wanted for the interior.  They are sure they can get it done by July 20, so we will be there for the next school year.  (They may even be able to finish it sooner!!)

While it will be hard to me to say goodbye to my friends here, I know that we are doing what is right for our family.  It was really sad to hear from a friend in D.C. that Louisiana is at least 5 years behind the rest of the country when it comes to services for autistic children.  So, it's out of state we go.  

I gotta go, Choo keeps trying to snag the computer from me.

Foul moods are all I have left

I've been off the grid and now I'm back.  With a vengeance.  I don't know why I'm in such a funky mood.  Maybe the Autism Speaks controversy rears its head about this time avery year?  Maybe I just get tired of Autism Awareness?  This isn't going to be a popular posts (for many reasons), but this is my therapy, so here goes.

A couple of things said to me recently have gotten my panties in a twist.  One statement was from a person who has been a source of good autism related information.  Her son is about 9 years older than mine and she called me out of concern for my Facebook postings.  (The ones on my personal account.)  Somewhere in the course of the conversation she tells me that I still seem angry and that in time I will learn that "it is what it is."  I deeply regret keeping my mouth shut, but I can't afford to lose ANYONE in the position to help me navigate the waters of finding services for my son.  What I WOULD have said, had I not let cowardice control my voice, was 'WHAT THE HELL?  I will not sit back and say this is all there is, AND ALL THERE WILL EVER BE.'  I don't believe that.  I know it not to be true.  I've seen my son change in the most productive ways.  I've also seen what the 'helpful' (read with sarcasm) school has been able to undo.  Temple Grandin may say that she is okay with being autistic.  That is wonderful, for her.  My 7 year old son was just potty trained last year.  He can't ride a bike, even with training wheels.  He has food sensitivities to: gluten, casein, soy, peanut, mustard, eggs, chicken, malt and asparagus.  He has never eaten a hamburger.  He has never said Mommy.  He speaks only a few words: okay, Daddy, no and panda. At least those are the clearest.  He has fallen back into the bad habit of stimming.  I could go on, but I would need a stiff drink to get through the rest of the afternoon.  I cannot sit back and say this is what I want his life to be like 10- 15 years down the road.  I do not want to think about his older brother having to care for him for the rest of his life.  I want him to be able to function in society.  Whether it is as a high functioning autistic person, or as a non autistic person, I will not rest until I get results. Or I will die trying.  But in the end, I will know that I have done everything possible.

Of course that comment goes hand in hand with those who don't understand what we've done this past year and it grabs me somewhere in the gut that I was not able to continue as I had hoped. You see, Choo and I spent 2011 in another state to pursue therapy.  Poor Dude had been so neglected by me in my absence that I have been trying to repair our relationship, coupled with the fact that I haven't lived with Bear for about a year.  Hard transition.  And still hard.  Because the realization hit me from an acquaintance in D.C., that my state lags about 5 years behind in autism services.  Choo doesn't have 5 years.  (Taking a break to breathe....)  I've got the best chance to make a change while he is still young.  I want to be able to have dinner out at a restaurant as a family.  I would like for the whole family to cheer Dude on at sporting events.  Hell, I'd love for Choo to show an interest in sports, or art, or SOMETHING!!!

Okay, now that I have wound myself up, I need to eat and some housework done before the kiddos come home from school and my tutoring session starts with Dude.